Why I hate baby showers and why bikini-clad mum-2-be Beyonce can push off with her 'push party'
WHEN it comes to planning my weekends there are two words that make me sigh with frustration – baby shower.
The event, another Americanism that crossed the Pond a few years ago, is where expectant mums throw a lavish affair, inviting all the unwilling women they know to share their day of insufferable games, cringeworthy gift-giving ceremonies and drinking fizzy pop.
liken baby showers to team-building days — you are forced to be there and no one is having any fun" />On Saturday, the heavily pregnant Beyonce took this a step further with a “push party” to celebrate her twins’ impending birth.
The Beverly Hills bash had an African theme, with guests asked to dress accordingly as she arrived in a colourful headscarf, bikini and sarong.
Oh, and she got a henna tattoo across her tummy. Well, she is Queen Bey, after all.
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This lamb Caesar salad makes for a deliciously light meal that's quick and easy to whip upBut the whole idea of baby showers, push parties or whatever you want to call them is proof the world has gone mad.
What happened to just dropping round a couple of Babygros when the baby has been born?
Now, most of my weekends consist of sitting in a tired village hall covered in baby blue and/or pink bunting, eating cupcakes and playing “pin the dummy on the baby”.
Or, even worse, “guess the baby food”, where guests are supposed to eat spoonfuls of mushed-up meat and veg, writing down what they think it is.
Give. Me. Strength.
I liken baby showers to team-building days — you are forced to be there and no one is having any fun.
On average, women attend 23 baby showers in their lifetime.
That is 23 times I am supposed to pretend to “ooh” and “aah” over baby pictures, names and scans.
And we spend an average of £560 on gifts.
But it is not just the expense that gets on my nerves, it is the bizarre baby shower ritual.
Sitting in a circle while we watch the yummy mummy open her gifts and squeal in joy at the latest Tommee Tippee baby bottles is a custom that should not be encouraged, for many reasons.
Reason one — often, the mum has given a list of things she wants, so why are we all sitting there acting surprised, as if her baby brain equates to early-onset Alzheimers?
tired village hall covered in baby blue and/or pink bunting" />Reason two — this is present-shaming at its worst and must be stopped.
The whole party can see that Jess did not spend as much money on the baby as Lucy.
Cue a string of Whats-App messages, as everyone gossips for the next week.
Reason three — I am expected to buy a baby shower gift and then a separate pressie when the baby is born.
This surely leads to most women feeling resentful towards the poor unborn child, who has essentially robbed them. TWICE.
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My way of defeating this is to buy a present for the mum at the baby shower (think bath salts or maybe a massage voucher) then a toy or outfit for the baby when it arrives.
Before I continue, let me set the record straight — I think mums are amazing.
Women’s bodies are incredible, giving birth is wonderful and this should definitely be celebrated. I just do not think it should be over-the-top, forced fun.
Men’s tradition is to 'wet the baby’s head', which is essentially a post-birth p**s-up at the pub. Well, pregnant women cannot drink for nine months so surely that would be a far more welcome tradition for her and her mates?
It is not even the event in itself that winds me up, it is the dreaded baby conversation.
“When will you have kids?” I am asked EVERY time. Has anyone ever responded to this with an in-depth life plan? No.
Then there is endless chat about birthing plans and maternity leave.
For those of us without children, it is unbearable.
Thank God for the wine . . .
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Oh wait, there is often a distinct lack of alcohol on the assumption that we should support the non-drinking mum.
It is already punishment enough that we have had to endure two hours of mindless mum chat.
At least give us a bottle or two.
Men’s tradition is to “wet the baby’s head”, which is essentially a post-birth p**s-up at the pub. Well, pregnant women cannot drink for nine months so surely that would be a far more welcome tradition for her and her mates?
I am aware I sound harsh, but I just think baby showers have got out of hand.
dreaded baby conversation" />They have become so extravagant, they are a giant competition.
Surely we should be grateful for any gifts we receive or loving visitors who want to check on us?
That being said, when it comes to me having kids, I will most certainly be throwing a baby shower.
If I have had to suffer, then my friends sure as hell can too.
Although by that time they will all be on their second or third child and probably will not return the favour.
One thing I can be sure of, though, there WILL be enough wine.
I know my mates will need it.
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